Saturday, June 28, 2008

Found Riches

Every book dealer has stories about finding cash in used books.  I thought I got lucky when I discovered this blank check from The Herring National Bank in Vernon, Texas in an old college textbook. 

I was going to write a check to myself for ONE MILLION DOLLARS until I turned the check over and discovered it had been ruined by some young man's dorm packing list:

Wuss.  When I went off to college I needed zero hankies and four jock straps.

Monday, June 23, 2008

It's never too early...

It's never too early to start your Christmas shopping.

Who will be the lucky recipient?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Party Games for Women

After reading a blog entry about some sort of "art party" for men and women, I became a little concerned.  Cake walks with men?  Women producing art?  Maybe this booklet produced by the Leister Game Company of Toledo, Ohio will present some wholesome party ideas for the readers of this blog who are of the fairer sex.

The best way for women to get the party started is to pin the names of  television stars onto guests' backs.  The party guests must tell each other factoids about the celebrity to help guess their party personas.  Here the young lady on the left confuses the "Doris Day" victim by telling her that she will one day become a conservative icon, while at the same time advocating public assistance and compassion for a disease destroying the gay community:

Here are 4 other great party games from the booklet that I recommend:

The first will help the women focus on their futures:

The second will help the ladies with their job duties.  Accomplished women should be able to tell the difference between the "whip" and "liquefy" blender functions by ear alone:

Here is one to help with female literary pursuits (for those guests that have stayed in college for more than a year while trying to meet their husbands):

Here is one to use if you have 22 guests

"An' all us other children, when the supper things is done,
We set around the kitchen fire an' has the mostest fun."   
    - James Whitcomb Riley

And when it's time for some levity, this one is a sure-fire crowd pleaser.  What the hell is funnier than flying panty hose?  Seriously?:

(I will make no comment about the forfeit penalty).

And when the giggling stops, it's time to bring your party full circle to its conclusion and focus on what is really important - identifying television personalties (WTF?! No Nipsey Russell?!)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Sex Education

 This book will help my readers who have children.  It was published in MCMLII and its theme is that it's never too early to to talk to your kids about sex. 

I'm not sure I understand the cover.  The children, who know nothing about sex, are not able to roller skate, but can only clomp away and stare at their crotches.  The adults, who know a lot about sex, can gaze lovingly into each other's eyes while roller skating in tandem.  There is nothing in the book about a correlation between skating prowess and knowledge of the nasty, but I guess it must be so.  It may explain why many of the women involved in the revival of roller derby make me feel like they know a lot about sex.  Also, I'm not quite sure children will develop normally if their dad wears skin-tight leopard skin shirts with chippendale bow ties in public.

The author, a professor from Oregon State University (Beavers), says that your young children should be asking a lot of questions about sex, and if they are not, you should take them to the zoo:

It will also help your children develop normally if you let them go bowling often with their friends (this is a bowling entry for you, Tracy).

During their teen years, it is appropriate for you to pull items out from your bedroom closet and demonstrate their use to your kids and their dates, so long as you explain the limits:

And even after your teens are sexually mature, it's still OK to question their dating relationship with Humbert Humbert: