Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Eine Himbeer Fräulein?

What is worse than than the cuisine in 1960s cookbooks?  

The cuisine in 1960s German cookbooks.

Behold the horrors of Kulinarische Kostelichkeiten:

Breakfast? How about a fried egg in motor oil drippings?  Or maybe a "Parisian Art" vomit omelet?

Get your vitamins with boiled leeks covered in a  silly putty demi glace:

Don't forget the kinder. They may enjoy their food fancied-up like vivisections of Kermit the Frog's head and a smattering of raw vegetables disguised as a transvestite piranha.

For dessert you can play it healthy and go for a Teutonic apple-bot...

...or you can splurge and opt for an infected pear or sauteed Nerf football slices.

And after dinner, what lovely fräulein doesn't want a serving of Himbeer?  Am I right, ladies?  ;-)

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Memo to Mrs. William J. Clinton

Dear Secretary of State Clinton:

As you continue your tour of the world's trouble spots, I humbly offer this guide to aid in your attempt to thaw relations with Iran (Axis of Evil).

Please follow this simple rule when referring to yourself with world leaders:

And please feel free to use this invitation as a model for inviting Iranian leaders to meet with your husband:
Godspeed, Madam Secretary!