Jackpot

Some days you go to the thrift store and hit the mother lode.  It's my little world now:

Lefty

Baseball is a game with a history of players overcoming adversity.  Diamond heroes include Jackie Robinson and Henry Aaron, who overcame racial barriers (many don't realize that Henry Aaron broke the color barrier in the Southern League when he played minor league ball).   Players with disabilities have also featured prominently in the national pastime, such as Jim Abbott, a one-armed pitcher that threw a no-hitter in the majors;  Curtis Pride, a deaf man who played for the Montreal Expos; and Dave Dravecky, who recovered from cancer in his pitching arm, only to have one of the most horrific comebacks in sports history.

Lost to history, however, is the inspiring story of Bill Burns, a journeyman pitcher who played professional baseball from 1908-1912.  Perhaps his story was tainted because he was involved in the Black Sox scandal of 1919, when he approached the first Chicago White Sox players on behalf of mobster, Arnold Rothstein (Burns later went on to become the key witness for the prosecution.  His trial testimony can be found here).

What is his inspiring story?  His official nickname was "Sleepy Bill," but his friends probably knew him as "Lefty."   Why?  As this 1910 T-206 tobacco card illustrates, Bill Burns was born with two left hands:

For Leslie

After reading Leslie's piece about due dates, I pulled this from my stock:

Published in 1924, it took 15 years for one brave girl at Galena Park High School to check out this gem.  Only one.

At least she learned how to mop (and dress):

And she knew how to recognize a "variety of home laundry equipment, from which good selection may be made."

Korfball?

If you grew up in the 1970's and collected sports trading cards, you were probably aware of Sportscaster cards.  They were the large cards that came by subscription only, with their own storage box.  Only the rich kids had them.

Now I feel rich because I found a massive stack of them in a ziplock bag at a thrift store for only $3.00.

Below are some of my favorites from the collection which brought me some nice flashbacks.

My real-life heroes: 

I think I found the retro look every hep-cat college kid is going for these days.  Meet the 1977 Hungarian water polo champions:

Classic shot of Wilt Chamberlain scoring against a hapless Walt Frazier while Senator Bradley looks on, hoping for a cloture vote.  Also, great pic of Dr. J in his Bicentennial glory days:

Teutonic beauties:  half-elf, Ingemar Stenmark and half-man, Kornelia Ender.  How did those East German women set so many records swimming in the Olympics?  I guess the secret was lost forever when the Berlin Wall came down and the DDR crumbled. (sorry this photo is a little blurry.  I was probably trembling at Frau Ender's beauty while holding the camera).

Assholes:

Inspiring female Olympic gold medalists in precarious positions.  They spawned millions of bad haircuts and horrid musical tributes:

A tribute to the old geezers of hockey.  If you're not doing anything after the game, Gump Worsley would like to talk to you about some whole life policies and variable annuities.

Inspiring Olympians with multiple gold medals:  Swimmer Freddy Mercury and Ali's communist evil twin, Teofilo Stevenson.  Could Stevenson have knocked out Ali, Frazier and Foreman if Fidel Castro ever let him out from behind the iron curtain?  We kids thought so.

Every child's sports inspirations in the 1970's  -  Earl "White Shoes" Anthony and Dr. Csaba Fenyvesi, who fenced only in his grandfather's bathrobe:

The inventor of the Fosbury Flop (which method garnered many a ribbon in elementary school field days), and the inventor of the inverted track and field crotch shot (this is for a specific reader who requested another porn-related blog entry):

Here kid.  Smell my feet:

Who knew that Ireland's national pastime was the form of hurling in which Catholics and Protestants whacked each other with sticks?  I always thought it was the form of hurling that took place in alleyways after 7 pints of Guinness.

WTF sports I still have never heard of - Korfball vs. Faustball.  I would sell my soul to the devil to own those cool leather watch bands  (side note: these cards reminded me of one of my favorite videos from The Onion.  Do yourself a favor and watch "Just Give Me the Damn Sepak Takraw Ball"):

And finally, the card every boy wanted - Avery Brundage.  He truly was "beyond sports." (the back of the card says Mr. Brundage passed away on May 8, 1975, so look for many tributes tomorrow).

Nonsensical Postcard

There was news this week that a postcard written by Anne Frank in 1937 was discovered at an antique store near Amsterdam.

Many years ago I  found this postcard on the ground, next to the dumpster at my Austin apartment complex.   It is addressed to a gentleman named No-Doc Vrotsos.

It reads: 

No Doc, I have a research job in Stockholm.  My address is Artillerigaten 63V, St. 114 45 Stockholm, Sweden.  I am at a balloon event in the Swiss Alps at the moment, have been involved with ballooning in Sweden, Switzerland, and Italy, but only flew in France.  I have also made tons of boomerangs.  Miss ya.  Matt

I don't know why I picked it up and saved it all these years.  Maybe it was written in code for use by a Swedish spy ring in Austin.  Maybe Matt and No-Doc were lovers and had to couch their forbidden love and amorous exchanges in terms of boomerangs and hot air balloons.   I'll probably never know, but I will have life-long mental images of TONS OF BOOMERANGS.

More porn from The Depression

I acquired a briefcase full of ephemera from the 1939 Golden Gate International Exposition, which was held on Treasure Island in San Fransisco. It was from the estate of a gentlemen who worked for the Expo so it had a lot of nifty items like backstage passes, original scripts and sheet music from the performances, etc.

I'm sure his prized piece was this, from the red-light district of the Expo: the official program from Sally Rand's Nude Ranch

From what I can gather, you purchased a ticket to go indoors to view the nude ranch in its natural setting.  While there you could view cowgirls doing the things they do on ranches, such as topless lassoing, nude one-on-one basketball, nude team tennis,

naked archery, and even branding the buttocks of your nude gal friends. 

Sorry, but I had to black out the boobs so I could comply with this blog's rules.  I already sold this on eBay, but you'll be glad to know that it was purchased by an erotica museum in Las Vegas, where you can go see it yourself.

Tumbling Erotica

I should probably start this post with one of those internet page warnings that has you verify you are over the age of 18 before entering.  I don't have the patience to make one, so I'll just let you view this post on the honor system.

Apparently the sport of tumbling was popular during The Depression.  Here are two recent finds published in 1931 and 1932.

If that cover illustration on the brown book doesn't get something stirring in your loins, you aren't human.   

Each sex act tumbling exercise is presented with detailed description and excellent graphics.

Some exercises look naughty:

Some look AND sound naughty:

Now that you're all hot and bothered, I'll let you enjoy some of the Bobs 'n Burqas cheesecake photos:

Punch

Punch magazine was a British humor and satire magazine published weekly between 1841 and 2002.  I recently purchased a stack at a garage sale dated 1970-1973.  I don't get much of the humor because it is based largely on politics and media I didn't experience. However, this ad featuring the ultimate swanky London bachelor pad from a 1972 edition caught my eye.  

Extra long shag carpeting?  Check.  

Color-coordinated phone with extension cord for chatting up birds while lounging on the extra long shag carpeting?  Check.

Androgynous David Bowie album?  Check.

Multiple ferns?  Check.

Chrome accented furniture?  Check.

Here is a cover from a different 1972 edition that caught my eye.  I don't even know what to say about this.  The art inside is even worse.

Awful Blogs Worth Your Time

I've added a new feature to this blog: links to other blogs I've discovered that are so bad, they are worth a look. Check over to the left. My first offering is from a real, live Grandpa Simpson living in Woodstock, Illinois.

Bookmark him so you can enjoy his rants about tinted windows run amok, too-big GPS systems, cross-walk signs, and un-patriotic neighbors who do not honor the flag.

I will not pick on kids that write blogs, but blogs written by adults in the voices of their children and/or pets are fair game.

A can already tell from my research that many of the selections will originate in Utah.

A Howitzer of My Own

I was listening to NPR the other day and they reported that the U.S. Supreme Court has taken a major Second Amendment case under consideration. Many people on both sides of the gun control issue await the first major ruling on the right to bear arms since the 1930s.  It is expected that the Court will recognize the right to bear arms as an individual right for the first time in US History.

It must be fate, but this case coincides with my finding this guide to firing a howitzer published by the U.S. Army in 1976:

I've always wanted to own my own howitzer.  Here is a picture of the FT 155 I found on the internet.  It is the self-propelled model, so it may be more expensive to maintain than a regular howitzer:

Since I live only live about 190 miles from the Mexican border, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to use the howitzer from my yard to protect our American border from marauding bands of Chiapas rebels, the Nicaraguan Sandanistas President Reagan warned us about, or even Hugo Chavez's crack troops.   I may be wrong though; the howitzer may not reach that far.  I'm having trouble deciphering the firing tables:

Asshole/Porn Stache

Here are a couple survey questions regarding my favorite media guys: Michael Medved, Geraldo Rivera and John Stossel.  

Who is a bigger asshole?
	Michael Medved
	Geraldo Rivera
	John Stossel
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Who has the best porn stache?
	Michael Medved
	Geraldo Rivera
	John Stossel
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Neiman-Marcus Christmas Catalog

Every year Dallas-based department store Neiman-Marcus publishes a Christmas catalog which pushes the boundaries of decadence and crass consumerism.  I stumbled across a couple of vintage copies recently, but before I get to my finds, I want to share one of my friend's stories I was reminded of when I saw the catalogs at a garage sale. 

My buddy attended SMU law school in the early 1990's.  He grew up in New Jersey and wasn't familiar with Dallas' shallow nouveau riche culture. Shortly after he started going to school there, he saw his first Neiman-Marcus Christmas catalog and was shocked to see you could buy a live miniature donkey for your spouse or child for a mere $3,000 - $7,000.  He tore out the page and kept it.  

After the holiday break, he began the process of on-campus interviews for summer clerkships with the big law firms.   This takes place every January and February at almost all of the law schools in the country.  Practically speaking, the entire process is a soul-crushing sham. The big firms each send two junior attorneys out to interview students in 20-minute time blocks. Everyone - including all the students and the law firms - knows that only the top 10% of the class will get job offers for the lucrative summer clerkships.  However, both the schools' job placement offices and legal community conspire in a charade which encourages all students to interview with several firms.  The students are practically forced to participate.  The law firms must interview any student who signs up for an open time slot.  Wearing a suit to school and sitting in a room while listening to self-important attorneys preen about their firm and asking personal questions - the whole time knowing you will never get the job - is pretty damn depressing. 

My friend is quick-witted, has a lot of chutzpah, and was not in the top 10% of his class.  His second interview was with Haynes & Boone.   My buddy became increasingly frustrated as one interviewing attorney blathered about the magnificence of Haynes & Boone.  During the 19th minute  they asked my friend his first interview question, "Why do you want to work at Haynes & Boone?"  My buddy reached into his pocket, pulled out a piece of paper, unfolded it and said, "Because after working for only four weeks, I will be able to buy this miniature donkey." He then got up and left. 

I'd only heard about the Neiman-Marcus Christmas catalog from the annual CNN news features and my friend's story.  I was pleasantly surprised to learn from the Neiman-Marcus Christmas Book 1979 that you could buy your own compact satellite dish to watch up to 100 channels of television for only $36,500.  (click on images to enlarge).

That year you could also get his and hers Russain lynx belly furs to enhance your vampire fantasies (his - $100,000, hers - $105,000). 



But my favorite item illustrated the fun you could have at your Highland Park holiday party when you invited your guests to the patio, drinks in hand, to watch the peasants perform an actual chimney sweeping and musical review on your roof ($3,000).  Chim-Chim-Cheree!

Magna Carta

Although I've known for a long time the Magna Carta was one of the foundations of our democracy and legal system, I've never actually read it.    Written in 1215, the English charter guaranteed the rights to a jury, to habeas corpus, and included inspirational language that made its way into the U.S Constitution and The Bill of Rights.  It was written almost entirely in Latin (which may explain why I'd never read it).  

Recently I was given a 24 page paperback translation of the document.  It was an interesting read, but I was surprised by a couple of paragraphs (highlighted below) which show just how longstanding some of our troubling prejudices are. 

(click to enlarge image)

Lin Kong Jing - A Powerful Empty Force

One of the rules of selling used books is that if you chance upon an obscure martial arts book - buy it. Someone will pay good money for it. I'd never heard of Ling Kong Jing - Powerful Empty Force, but when I saw this book at a thrift store I bought it.

Here is the cover and title page. It appears to have been self published by Si-Fu Richard M. Mooney, Powerful Empty Force Instructor, using only a dot matrix printer, a disposable camera, and his local Kinko's. I was lucky enough to obtain a limited edition (No. 71 of ??) signed by the master himself.

(click to enlarge images)

Given its immense power, I probably shouldn't share the secrets of this martial art with the general public. But here is a glimpse. You will need the following equipment: long white tube socks, a wife-beater shirt and a pair of old gym shorts. Tattoos are optional.

After mastering a series of breathing exercises and postures, you will be able to harness the energy of the Powerful Empty Force. The Powerful Empty Force allows you to project through people, and even Yugos.

The massive power of Lin Kong Jing can be used to diffuse any number of violent encounters. Here you can see it used to divert a pistol weilding thug and to cause an unsuspecting attacker to drop his knife.

Teachers can even use The Powerful Empty Force to bowl over classrooms full of children such as these Sarasota, Florida students in 1994 and 1995.

For those of you readers that are fortunate enough to harness this power, please use it for good and not evil.

Madmen

My father-in-law is a retired commercial artist who toiled away for years as the art director of a large Houston advertising agency.  Every time I see him lately he will not stop talking about the television show, Madmen, which airs on AMC.  He tells me that Madmen accurately portrays the office happenings in ad agencies of the early 1960s.  Of course, I saw a couple of episodes of the show and thought it was too exaggerated.  Surely men didn’t treat women like that. 

Then I found this in a book from the early 1970s.  It is the front page of a bi-fold pamphlet for a Houston, Texas advertising agency (not where my father-in-law worked).  The remaining text in the pamphlet is equally as charming as what you see here.  I’ll post it if anyone wants. 

My apologies to Mary Heinzen if she is still out there.  But maybe she wanted to be remembered as a "decorative asset. "

(click to enlarge image)

Looking Sharp

I found this inserted as a bookmark in a 1950s book at my local thrift store. I didn't buy the book, but I did surreptitiously pocket the photo strip.

Detention Card

Found in 1950s science fiction magazine:

Times Have Changed

Welcome to my first blog entry.

The primary purpose of this blog is to share with others the odd ephemera and etc. I find - mostly in used books.

Below is the inside, front cover of an Italian cookbook from 1967 - Leone's Italian Cookbook by Gene Leone.  The book intro is by none other than Dwight D. Eisenhower.  The book shares the recipes of Leone's Restaurant in New York City.  Apparently it was the Italian restaurant at which to be seen back in the day.  Enrico Caruso was the first customer.

PETA does not approve of this illustration: